I hate going to dentist. Just the thought can send my anxiety level to the top of Mount Everest. Problem is between my Crohn's and auto immune disorder my body thinks my teeth are aliens ½ the time and fights with them. When nausea kicks in, as it often does, putting a toothbrush in my mouth to clean my teeth can cause my gag reflex to spasm and start dry heaving episodes that can last from 5 minutes to hours...nausea bouts can last days, even weeks.

When I found a dentist that would accept my disability insurance it took a bit to rally the courage but I called and went in. I knew there was work needing done and agreed to it, set the appointment and dug for the courage as the date loomed before me. Long story short, he did some work but when it came to pulling a tooth it was over 45 minutes of agony. The root was hooked. I had asked earlier if I could be knocked out. He said no, my insurance wouldn't pay for it...I offered to pay out of pocket...he still said no.... I had a panic attack on the way home from the anxiety and pain and a seizure when I finally got there. It wiped me out for a few days, as seizures can do...but to think I'd go back? Oh Lord no.

Knowing more work was needed I've tried to find someone else in the area to no avail and started on a path of essential oils, home therapy. I was able to put off for over 2 years going back but things started getting bad and I was forced to call the old dental office again...and then God smiled! All new staff and a Doctor who was compassionate, caring, understood not only my dental problems but my panic and embarrassment. The only problem then, was scheduling, it would be literally months before they could do the work SO very needed now. I'd have to limp it along until then.

From spring, through summer and now almost fall my mouth has ached, my anxiety cart could rival the trail map of a remote village in Tibet. My jaw throbs, my eyes feel like someone is trying to pull them out backwards and my sinuses are just amok amok, amok. The month before my appointment I inform close friends n family I'll be out of pocket for several months recovering from the oral surgery...(sorry, but pride will not allow this hillbilly to be seen toothless). The week of I make soups and gather things I'll need knowing I won't feel like kitchen chores or housework for a few days...the butterflies in my stomach at this point have turned into flying lead balls crashing around in my gut...and the it's early evening the day before my appointment and the phone rings...they are canceling. ( I think my head exploded inside) Not only canceling but not at all rescheduling for another 3 or 4 months AND not doing the dental work I need done any longer......what the WHAT? I couldn't curse, I was crying. The woman who called said they were re-constructing the office. I begged if he'll pull the teeth that NEED to come out I can use the time they are close to heal...they aren't doing dentures anymore she said.....I can get them done somewhere else!....No, she says, the office will be closed and they don't want to start any procedures where you may need to call is for help. (So they are telling me the construction starts in the office, they have to close the office and they JUST decided all this and it starts the day I need to go in...wow, some office great home management there)

I think even my mouth was outraged as I swear it started throbbing even more.

Now, crying, stunned, in shock, disbelief the phone rings about 15 minutes later and one of the office girls wants to know why I canceled my appointment? SEARIOUSLEY?????

Come to find out the girls in the actual office had no idea what was happening....hum, so they didn't know they're building was being closed?? Cause that's what I was told, there would be no one there to call if I needed help!...the girl on the other end seemed as stunned as I was. She said she'd check and call back (all this after 5pm)...she called, my appointment was canceled.

Now, on the facebook page for the clinic they are looking for dental assistants to hire and accepting new patients, listing all the services including the work I need done....but I couldn't get in for months and my appointment was canceled?

Had to lay down and woke up to a lovely summer rain. Hate losing a day and hope to have the energy tomorrow I need to help the friend I promised help to. Something told me I didn't need to water the garden this morning!!...lol

One of those days that started out about 4:30am not feeling 'perky'. Yesterday wasn't bad but about 9ish last night while watching a movie I got hit with 'lite' pain and laid down hoping to avoid worse...woke up running to the bathroom praying all critters were out of my path because Poop Happens!
Feeling weakest with waves of lite nausea now at 11:15. I have a list of things I need to do, but my 'get up and go!' got flushed the last time I was in the bathroom...lol.
Had family in for a visit last week. I fought feeling bad the whole time. Eating out, windy roads into town and walking/shopping in the heat made for a hell of a visit. I need and Oscar, they didn't have a clue!

Fairies Fart and Glitter Happens

Did you know a fairy farts glitter?

I thought not, little known fact as they are mostly invisible little creatures and hard to document but a dragon told me so I have it on good authority. Ever see unexplained flecks of glitter around? No party left overs, no craft room spill but there it is, glitter. On your face, on the floor on your pet. HOW?...Well, you know how sometime you sneeze you accidentally fart? When that happens to a fairy in flight their 'cloaking' power blinks for a nanosecond and the glitter from the farts become visible to the human eye.

I believe words have power, instead of saying the 'F' word I've been saying Fairy Fart and am quite overwhelmed at the amount of glitter I am finding all about!!!

So, if for some reason you find a bit of unexplained glitter lying about, sorry. I just startled another one.

So, today has at least started out better. Yesterday turned out to be a 'down' day. Kept getting up thinking I could get something done, but no, back down again. Funny how the dishes always wait, if not GROW in anticipation of being washed...lol

One of those days.

Love my early mornings. Up about 6am to answer the roosters call. Grab my rubber boots and iced coffee as I head out the door to open the coups greeting the ducks and chickens as they tumble out and over each other. With a waddling run the wings are stretched and flapping good morning, always startling the deer who've gathered eagerly waiting for an early treat.  

Once breakfast is served with fresh water all about, I walk down to the garden basket in hand, to water, weed and gather veggies for the day.

 



I soon have company as the grub getters arrive. It's their mission you know, save the garden from bugs and be rewarded with cherry tomatoes for job well done...delightful little puddle hoppers.

I hate it when a 'Wave' hits during my garden time. Ok, hate it when it hits any time of course, but I love my mornings and the 'Waves' are disrupting my Zen. It was nausea mostly this morning, only a bit of pain, but the hangover like hold body head rush is a real mood changer. Bet the Gods get a giggle out of that...I feel like I've been on a five day vodka bender when I haven't had a drink in???Hum...pay back for all the drinking days I got always with? Gives me a bit of a giggle. Then, I find humor everywhere.

Guess the list of ToDo's for today will be put on hold as I see a lie down in my future. It's only 11am and my path to the bathroom is well worn and wearing me out. Imagine a volcano forever active in your intestines...that's life with Crohn's and autoimmune. You never know when it's going to blow knocking you down again.

I hate letting this waste my time, laying down is boring no matter how you feel IT'S BORING but if I don't have to take a pain pill I am grateful...if I don't have to take a Phennergren  I am grateful.

For knowing this too shall pass, I am grateful.